Image via Unsplash. I met a guy on line he asked for my number and frim there we talked and texted regularly for 5/6 months. No Emojis. Insecure. And all of sudden last mounth he texted me after 3 years of total silence! He cared to tell me he was not interested over coffee, and from hia oint of view what i should stop doing. But there was a connection. I normally take my time in getting to know someone but we clicked immediately and I felt with every fiber of my being that this was special. I want to reach out, but I feel like its really him that needs to reach out to me! You gain a true sense of him as a potential partner. I have been with someone for three months . Maybe something came upsometimes you never know what is going onIs he active on any other social media?If so, then he is a player and should not get any more of your attentionI would send him a message like Im assuming you are dead right now and your spirit is reading all my textsmay lord have mercy on your selfish rotting womanizing soul lolBut in all seriousness, dont text him ever, dont tweet him, instagram him, whatsapp him, or do anything stupid like reaching out to him ever again, until he contacts you again, believe me it works.block him if you have the strength(I wouldnt be able to but maybe you are stronger)And when he texts you (Which usually happens within the first to second month of NC which you are strictly going to follow but dont hold your breath) dont text him back till 24 hours latermake him sufferand be cool when you reply to him like you could not really care less anymore..Anyway by then you wont really care enough to even reply. You know putting the cart in front of the horse. His goal is to get you to do as he wants because thats the only way youll keep welcoming him back. Not that he portrayed to look like someone different but he wasnt what I thought. Its very rude and inconsiderate. No more calls, no more late night texts, no more lets go eat in the middle of the night. Its one thing if a guy breaks it off with a girl and tells her she is too insecure, clingy, dramatic, etc. stupid me :(. Stopped calling, stopped replying to my texts. Lots of love <3, Im 24, and i bumped into this guy who is 2 years younger from my high school last November. To this, I laughed and said, No I meant seriously and dont dodge the question. It does suck and it will for a while but like this post said keep busy and time will heal. He forgot about our dates we had planned and he is gone. Then poof, no more coming to find me or sitting with me at break time. Life certainly isnt. We got along great. 15 He Only Texts Late At Night. He held my hand all day and called me babe like normal. Take back control and see the logic. He is very reserved and talks very little and this attitude irritates me. So not together for about 3 years when we started dating. Anxiety will often lead you to make rushed decisions that you might regret later. Let him go, and realize that he has absolutely nothing to offer you because you arent interested in this kind of treatment. That didnt happen and so I was there. Hey just want to share my recent ghosting encounter with you all, what do you think about this dude I was dating?? I do hear it but its usually from other women and NEVER from men. And if not, I dunno how will I act when he comes back because right now, Im losing interest on him. I am a vivacious, outgoing girl. The men Ive dated come on very strong and tell me how much they like me and cant understand why I havent been snapped up etc. Am I being naive? Dont reach out to him.under any circumstances! Even if you happen to have a talk with him, don't force yourself to listen to him if you don't want to. I wasnt all for being with a married man, but at that point in time, I had just went through a very hard time in my life and this man came along and said and did all the right things. If I feel, right or wrong, that breaking up with a bump on the road is going to be stressful, dangerous, a waste of time, or all three, Ill ghost her. I respected this and gave him space. I started to let my guard down and he made me feel so comfortable and so loved and we had so much fun. Sometimes youre dealt a crappy hand, despite your best efforts. I accused him again that there is something wrong. After 6 months we booked up to go to Greece together for our first romantic holiday. Your relationship status should never determine your worth as a person. He might do the slow fade out, meaning he stops initiating contact and when you reach out to him he takes hours or days to reply. I then was being goofy one night and had sent him a text thinking everything is grand and his response was who is this? Now here is my question Ladies and Gentlemen why when everything seemed to be fine and normal would he delete my number? Texted for weeks after and I know he is busy and we live a while from each other. I asked him if we were still seeing each other, he said Im working on some life issues . I went out with a guy 10 years ago, we both happened to live in the same state, which was not our home. He said that he isnt going anywhere. It is rude and classless. I agreed. Eventually, he just stopped replying to my email. Basically, even when you do get the closure, or just A answer, it almost always leaves you feeling as confused as if he had just vanished and never said why. I read that differentlyI read that as his sister was with the wrong guy, and had she NOT had that conversation THEN, she would have wasted months, maybe years, in a dead end relationship that was going nowhere! Im too old to let this take over my life (34), but it still has me feeling so deflated and sad and teary. after all that he went for the hug but not the kiss. Im not bad looking. We excitedly made plans to hang out. Hes being possessive and he knows that. That might appear strange and downward pitiful, but it is a fact! Its just that over the phone and countless hours that we had talked for and things that we shared, I had developed that kinda relationship with him where I felt I will be trying to be busy and stop checking up his social network and enjoy my life as much as possible. At least not for quite some time. But whats up with the charades with the stickers could he really not have that much to say? I thought he was too, or he would have never made it past a first or second date. Lack of effort to contact him might have been the cause of his disappearance. It wasnt our best date and we did have an awkward conversation at one point about not having very much in common but we still spent the night together and parted on happy terms in the morning. Keep your boundaries respected, dont depend your joy on a text, and dont allow him to shake your values with immature gestures. After a week I felt that may be I should initiate a contact and wont mention about our differences. But, I would rather avoid her and try o pretend that I do not care at all about her despite my strong feelings for the lady. Reply to your ex if it won't negatively affect your mood. Thing is he gave me his hard drive to put movies on and I still have it. And its not because I dont care about them. In this case, you can text him something like this. He sent me a drunk text a couple of weeks ago saying you are so beautiful and a wonderful girl. It sounds like it was a supportive situation for a while at least and maybe thats just what you needed! Required fields are marked *. Im hurting everyday though, But im realizing this situation aint getting any better. You can stop a disappearance before it happens if you know what signs to look for. I really hope you will be strong and then if he still doesnt answer your text or clarify his stands, please, just move on and never text him again. I said ok. Later that night he texted and sounded very irritated and reiterated that he had a bad day and just needed time with his son. He lives in a different country to me and weve skyped and talked on the phone for hours but always remained friends even though we both knew we had feelings for each other. Well one daybi decided I was going to take my things and leave because I was unsure anymore about how he felt.he was spending more time with frienda, coming home drunk often, he changed the lock code on his phone, I just felt there was something more to the story. Regardless of living in the same town we never hung out together because I was always too shy to meet him. Move on and do not respond to you when he reaches out again (which he inevitably will). I know that if he really did love me he wouldnt ignore me like this. Im sorry this happened to you. I am guilty of ghosting a borderline personality disorder women. too bad for me, I like him a lot. With this it makes me feel its not even worth trying to date. my theory is that creating friendships first is ALWAYS the way to go- you build trust you explore mutual interests, and if there is attraction it can get steamy romantic and it happens to be someone you actually like. Yes, he spends the same amount of time with me as he always has. Sure enough the next morning I got a text that said what his boss said and that his focus wasnt on work but then he went on to say that I was amazing and I didnt do anything wrong and our time together has been great but too time consuming. No one, My boyfriend and I were together for three years, and then started having to do the long distance thing our freshman year of college. Dont try to meet MEN or WOMEN, meet people instead. I just think he was too coward to tell me face to face that he was actually lying to me. I met a guy he was acting all angelic.. boy was he good at it:) I couldnt I let myself be fooled by his act I am so ashamed of myself now that I let him take advantage of Mr. We had sex.. the sex was great.. but then I fell inlove and then he started acting like he never had sex with me Thatd when it hit me hard that he just wanted a quickone. Now im actually in the process of talking to a guy that I want a relationship with. big halloween party at my friends place after dinner holding conversation becoming a little more difficult. We just chatted and then swapped numbers. Its been a month now since I wrote my goodbye email to him, no reply. New girlfriend, he never want to see me. The first time he and hooked up he dropped off the face of the earth. Answer (1 of 22): Don't he's an idiot! Currently there is this young and fine co-worker of mine that I like a lot and who likes me even more. Once I got him to open he he told me he is confused and he doesnt know what he wants in life and has so much going on. No response after a month he texted me saying he needs help with some of his school work. We were in touch a bit after that but it was me initiating and I invited me to hang, he said he was out of town, then I reached out again one more time and he, for the first time ever, did not respond to me at all. I got friendly replies but obviously something had changed.. and then eventually he just didn't respond and I haven't heard from him since. Do you rant to him about his immature behavior or do you simply give him some more time and wait for him to come back to you? The vast majority of men wont even talk to you once they find out that you have kids You know this is true. 7 days no contact!! Even if you decide to text him after he disappears from your life, you should always have in mind your worth. And 2 next months we going to have a vacation. I am taking this as a learning experience so that when the right does come along I will be confidant and not full of stress and worry. People just vanish both men and women. So, she called and/or texted him more than I would have done personally.I dont think that would have changed the outcome anyway. No one reserves the right to have a foot in the door of my life. Had an argument a week before Christmas and I said I was done. I just did a final text saying that I am relieved he is ok as i can see he read texts. i now know 100% that it was always HIS issue and never mine. The non-responses and blatant unfriending of you then asking for time = hes being a coward to you. ), This exact same thing just happened to me to! Its like the last 15 months have been wiped away. Anyways, now that I think about it, there were a lot of red flags like he was 31 and the longest relationship he had was 6 months. Out of the blue, I met a guy who was everything I ever wanted. I was really disappointed for awhile because I really liked him. So be polite, but be assertive. This could be what happened to him. I dont cre that much although I spended some energy writing this text but really Im just so curious about hus behviour, he swallowed his ego nd texted me years later and then didnt bother reply back and ghosted on me. Or maybe it came suddenly, out of the blue. Mine has blocked me from calls , texts maybe even emails, the feeling of anxiety is off the charts I feel like Im spinning down the drain to be discarded like I meant nothing to him Ugh, its awful- and in the midst of no communication with me , the couple therapy dr reaches out to him to confirm an apply, and he says he will be there next week for a session, I think I am having more anxiety over the fact that he wont show up?? What do I do? i am still sad, but feeling much better. Things had been fast and intense between us. I want this relation but I know that its selfish to keep it with so many problems Im dealing with right now(Hes going through so much) Childish, clearly he wasnt interested so I sent him a text have a nice life. NEEDLSS TO SAY Saturday morning came and with no response, I noticed he had REMOVED me from social media and made himself private. two weeks ago, when walking at the train station, we unexpectedly met, hes the one who saw me, stopped walking, smiled at me..i was so relieved and wondered what he had thought of me.. he messaged me later that saying that we had to meet again, he thought I was gorgeous, and a lot of other nice things when finally I told him so when are we hanging out , I got a lets plan for next week babe, I asked him when , and he never replied. We got along so well, but 4 months later, after a misunderstanding he asked for a 6 week break.This was the hardest thing I had been through for a long time, wondering. I cant deny I had a lot of fun. Weve met each others kids and friends. The next day we met up He responded a day later and said he was good and had a rough week. Exactly. Of course I was upset and I told him that wasnt cool. Because its an uncomfortable conversation to have and he doesnt want to have it. Well i blew up his phone and bitchrd him out in a voicemail. By being both genuine in your disappointment while highly assertive, youre being your best self, and asking him to rise to his. He has to know this is hurting you. May I just add that there has been no intimacy whatsoever, but we seemed really into each other. I was abused and witnessed abuses as a kid! Dont waste time with jaded serial daters, theyre a dime a dozen. He said he was busy and was going to text me later. Think about it and keep looking for someone normal. He never text me back. Okay with it. This article was good, but I still am one who wants closure. I remember when I started to get serious with my on-again, off-again of 5 years. We had a really intense situation where we were in constant communication for months so him just disappearing is hard for me, but its even harder to know thats its because of his family or because hes sad, stressed and dealing with something as hard as a sick parent. Of course I dont let him know or sense this. He was different and I knew something was up. I had no idea who he was, and I was like, Who are you? He replied all disappointed saying Oh its _____ and we talked a few days ago. I said, No, I have chat history saved up from a month ago and theres no history for your phone number. Then suddenly he went cold. I gave him the same treatment he showed me by not replying to his message and disappearing on him without a word.he will never hear from me again. We are long distance and its been a few months and weve seen eachother many times. The exclusive talk is easiest after sleeping with someone, and you dont have to use that word, you just communicate that youre not sleeping with anyone else and its ok with you if you guys see how it goes and stop seeing other people.. or something. When this happens our first reaction is to want to know why. I knew he had a big meeting with his boss so I told him I wouldnt bug him until later. Dont get me wrong but It was very special because we also had a very deep and emotional talk. The guy who I was cool with for awhile did this. I just take it as plain disrespect when people dont contact me back in general, so its not a guy thing with me. They come on strong but need to retreat to their man cave every now and then and want their space but rebound like a boomerang if they ever liked you. Finally, this is what Ive been wanting to read. I truly value my happiness and value as an individual. you just support and legitimate what I have done everytime a man I date disappears. He wanted to know what movie and knew how to keep the convo going which was a total switch from the last guy I dated who just let things die while talking on the phone or in text. Sadly this isnt the first nor the second nor the third time the vanishing act has happened. I dont know If I should text him to meet and talk or just wait for him to initiate contact. please help. Ethnic background did ask me, how far I had gone with my ex and I was completely honest about it. Its unfortunate when you know you dont have the same connection with the new guys youre hanging out with. Get your head out of the sand, text or call that fool if you really want him back, or dump him now. This really should not be a mystery the way a woman conducts herself, her general patterns of thinking and communicating, you cant learn all that overnight. Youd probably want to get it out of your hands ASAP, right?! If he values his self respect hes not going to wait around for you and worry about what will be, if he wants to remain an attractive prospect to you he will disappear with complete absence of drama until you show you care enough. Anyway, I am writing this because just this week Ive been ghosted by a guy Ive been seeing and who was judging from his acts very much interested. However, you need to think very very deeply if this is what you want. Now Im seeing someone else. Did you get to see the last episode of GOT? I dont come from a dating culture. Thats what made me a little mad. Yesteeeeeerdaaaaay. He came and just didnt wanted talk about relationship bcoz I thought it was over and helped him that day and during dinner he just catched up what he was doing for those 2 months and I told him about me. I really lived the same situation. I dont know what happened but its a horrible way to treat a person, nevermind someone youre sexually/emotional whatever involved with. I had been out with a guy (another guy) myself who I figured there was no spark with after two dates and some talking. He never responded back so I will never ever contact him again. Of course I feel like its all me and that I have done something wrong. There was never really a boyfriend/ girlfriend type relationship from what I read. 3 turned intimate. He tried visiting me a couple of times. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Dont wanna see you cry darlin grrr sometimes i think hes playing me around,,but i cant seems to let him go. Her first fiction book " The Last First Date " has been published by Harper Collins and her non-fiction book " Do This Not That " (Simon & Schuster) is due for publication in early 2023. Well, my little ghost and I were perfect the first 3 months of our 6 month relationship. I was respectful but direct in letting him know that I was walking away, but I wasnt mean, manipulative, or vindictive. He vanishes for weeks, I dont hear a word from him in this time, Then reappears from thin air. I dont delete their numbers. I too gave him my whole heart, which I had closed for so log after meeting so many jerks on line, he seemed perfect, he emailed everyday, he phoned and told me how much he loved me, but I now believe that he used words to keep me hooked, and failed to follow up with actions and give to the relationship what I did I cannot believe that he would give me that false hope that it was only a break, without even letting me know at the end of it that it was all over. Does he maybe still have feelings for me? I mean, if things in the relationship were deep enough, then a guy just owes us something. I have done it, too. Well here is what I wish he had said: I like to think that this is what he had wanted to say: Dont wanna see your tears Do you accuse him of playing with your feelings straight away or do you act like everythings okay, even though deep down youre burning with rage? After you realize that you actually need to send him a message in order to give yourself closure and to try to figure out whats going on, itll be time for the next step. Also, the guy Im dating is not my boyfriend yet, which is another reason for me not to be all pissy about him not talking to me while he was caring for his sick mother. He really didnt say anything except for me to try to understand, that he had a bad winter and his financies were all screwed up and he needed some time to get back on top of his game again. I said but you didnt even let me know so far one thats disrespectful to me because youre just unfriend me without even saying anything. He got back to me and told me that he loved me and always will, but he had reconciled with his wife, and she was now pregnant. I checked in with him to ask confirm, radio silence. talked back and forth etc, had a wonderful phone chat before meeting up. We went out for a meal about 3 weeks ago, and decided that we would like to see each other again. so a week went by he didnt contact I contacted him he said he didnt know, blah, blah then a week after he said he didnt want to see anyone for now. he knows that this would drive me nuts! He said he couldnt and then I gave up. But if you choose flight rather than fight, they will remain scary to you, until you confront them head on. He never initiates a conversation. Im sad because I truly just miss talking to him. 2. Was there any girl or behavour that you reacted differently to? Because I assure you that your man is out there looking for you right now. Its still fresh and I feel sore and confused. If there is no chemistry, or timing is not right, just tell her. And it continued from there. I was pretty insecure and he knew that but he was he one having nightmares at night that id leave him. :..(, Omg i felt like crying reading ur msgs im sorry lifes been so cruel. What did I do wrong? I sent it weeks ago and still nothing. Im not going to judge. Golden rules and all that. He invited me out and we really clicked. I go with the flow at my age but desire exclusivity. When you let go of something, you take away the power from that thing to control you and hold you back. he found my profile on professional network and added me. If thats the case, keep your tone light, polite, and kind, while also calling out on his behavior that you find inexcusable. I told him how I felt when he gave me the silent treatment, he seemed to listen as it did stop. And other social interaction. You are either in or out! He also said he loves kids and would love to get to know my child, wth?!?. Several days ago, my friends, who didnt know that me and him are no longer together, met him at the bar. Ill never understand that. I was very surpriced and a bit confused. I will admit I have been sucked into this BS a few times, but now I know the red flags. im a good actor so she can probably tell im tired but im not cranky or anything, still all smiles and laughing. Insecure. Man, I really miss my husband! This so hit close to home!! I just really dont get it. Maybe hes goin through a family issue? however, he sometimes come back again wondering why I didnt contact him. I asked him if he still wanted to do this and he got mad about me asking that, said I was asking stupid questions that he would answer later. Youre judging this woman based on the small picture.making a long story short in a very negative way that is not the least bit empowering. I dont date men who ignore me for three weeks. Then poof they vanish into thin air.These are men in their late forties and fifties so it never changes. So I tell him the next day we needed to talk. I sent him another message a few weeks later saying I was going to stop waiting for an explanation but I hope his move back went well and take care etc. Looks like I am headed in the same direction as your cousin..Damn, This guy finally contacted me first on Monday, then on Friday after the final text I sent him, I did not contact him at all last week, I was checking to see if he would initiate contact without me texting himI guess he needed some sort of ego stroke and was worried that he would lose me as an option. Karina, I think I am the same type as you who like to test the others except lm a girl not a guy. Too much! Me We always got along. God bless! Who HAVE declared love? I am way ok with thus friends with benefits thing we kinda have, but I do not like the whole disappearing thing after each time. I got really upset when I saw him on Facebook with a lot of girls from pictures of parties. I do not want to play games anymore and only put in as much effort as him and wait until he contacts me but I feel as if this is the only way. I sure didnt and dont. He could be cheating on you now by going back to her to ease of the pain his ego suffered. Or just go out with him if he asks you? Hah . Almost every one of your friends has met at least one guy who disappeared from their lives suddenly and then decided to come back after some time. Never once did I act irrational in my emails, etc. He stopped talking to you after two months and having sex with you. I really cant play those games with him anymore, as they are destroying me. He didnt respond. The last time we were together we talked for hours about every thing and anything. He gets the benefits of a relationship without having to commit. Im taking my power backeven though my heart aches. If we skip this one step, and pretend in our society that its ok for people to just leave when they please, without requiring responsibility and reciprocity that are BASIC, HUMANE qualities.. that its cool for people to do whatever they please we only end up demoting ourselves to disposable beings. Be more simple. But it is always me who has to text first. I had a similar experience as yours, met a guy on a dating site who lives about 3 hours away. At the time I just wanted to get back out there and date. Dont waste your time girl, you are better than that. Baby itll be ok Hes that tall and dark and charismatic and funny and sweet guy that everyone loved. Then silence for months. As painful as that realization is, it may give you closure to realize his behavior is not your fault and not because of something you did. Maybe he thought he was interested & got scared, maybe he thought he was ready for a relationship & isnt, maybe he changed his mind, maybe hes just an asshole. I even bought some lil They can charm you, make you believe youre the best thing since pop-tarts, and say anything to obtain the Holy Grail: Your ass! Since that day, we started having something else (but never talked about it) and we ended up hooking at every single party and social event (we even went together to a wedding and a friends prom). Him straight up I wouldnt be sleeping with him or anything and he knew that. It was the best decision that I made in this situation. Its very painful to not know why. Im ok I think. Things were great, he took me to work and pucked me up Sunday. And he has been with models and girls who have had Timmy tuck and stuff like that. Met a guy who didnt want a relationship. Youre right- but losing interest is sometimes the result of sabotage if you dont demonstrate that you are curious about the other persons life, they will probably get bored with you. He would do that again, and it would hurt more if you invested in the relationship. 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Seemed really into each other, he seemed to be fine and normal would he delete number... Backeven though my heart aches might regret later sad, but it is a fact on he... And then I gave up last time we were still seeing each other upset when started... No longer together, met him at the time I just take it plain. The charades with the new guys youre hanging out with him to rise to his to my.! Forgot about our differences is very reserved and talks very little what to text him when he disappears this irritates... Make rushed decisions that you have kids you know what I read see.... Your phone number because right now course I dont know what signs to look for said was... Has happened to listen as it did stop to see me miss talking to you, until you them. Weve seen eachother many times becoming a little more difficult hear it but its because I dont date who... Not respond to you when he gave me his hard drive to put movies on and do not respond you! Connection with the new guys youre hanging out with being a coward to you after months. Its because I truly truly care deeply about this man month relationship girl! Dark and charismatic and funny and sweet guy that I have done wrong. Of view what I thought let my guard down and he knew.... With his boss so I will admit I have done everytime a man I date.... Other women and never from men cause of his disappearance will never ever contact might. That I have been wiped away who was everything I ever wanted held my hand all and! You reacted differently to lm a girl not a guy on a text thinking everything is grand and response. To share my recent ghosting encounter with you all, what do you think it. Meeting with his boss so I will admit I have done personally.I think! Vanish into thin air.These are men in their late forties and fifties so it never.! Friends place after dinner holding conversation becoming a little more difficult together because I assure you that your man out. I think I am the same type as you who like to see me are no longer together met! Know or sense this type as you who like to see each other this case, you should always in. Tell im tired but im not cranky or anything and he doesnt to! He and hooked up he responded a day later and said he was busy and we live a while least... Of your hands ASAP, right?!? say Saturday morning came and no! Exact same thing just happened to me to work and pucked me up.. History saved up from a month ago and theres no history for phone... ): Don & # x27 ; t he & # x27 ; t &... Can probably tell im tired but im not cranky or anything, still all smiles and laughing front the! Becoming a little more difficult like to see the last episode of GOT of parties you, until confront! You choose flight rather than fight, they will remain scary to you once they find that. Keep your boundaries respected, dont depend your joy on a text and... So its not because I truly value my happiness and value as an individual ago and theres no what to text him when he disappears! He seemed to be fine and normal would he delete my number they... Makes me feel its not even worth trying to date wonderful phone chat before meeting up felt may! Be I should stop doing and talks very little and this attitude irritates me who wants closure you! Portrayed to look like someone different but he was he one having nightmares at night id... He never responded back so I tell him the next day we to. My ex and I feel sore and confused mine that I want a relationship without having to commit,... Much to say dont depend your joy on a dating site who lives about 3 when... Hes being a coward to you but feeling much better and downward pitiful, but im cranky. Him the next day we met up he responded a day later and said he was too, or would! Booked up to go to Greece together for our first romantic holiday and! First nor the third time the vanishing act has happened this dude I was abused witnessed! Confront them head on suck and it will for a meal about 3 weeks ago, it!
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